I am relatively new to loneliness having been with my husband for 40+ years. He died 2 years ago. I have always been independent so I thought being lonely would not happen to me. I was wrong.
Its been hard for me to accept. As Elizabeth writes, you think the people around you are all in the happy company of others. That is true in many instances, but not in all of them. I am learning that
you don't have to be alone to be lonely, but one of the differences being, profound grief gives
you a loneliness that only you can feel, and that can really bring you down.
"That feeling of being the only one who wasn’t connected," is so relatable. I always felt this way in school. I was the black sheep of my family, and couldn't fit in with the other boys. Their inside jokes, sports-talk and quick insults were too mysterious (and intimidating) for my developing mind. Things did become easier in college, but I still struggled to communicate. I worried too much about how I was perceived, and didn't cope with my loneliness in healthy ways.
Fast-forward to adulthood and here I am, feeling some loneliness again. I'm in the boonies of Japan, far, far away from Tokyo. And by my very existence, I'm the town weirdo.
This reality manifests in numerous ways. Sometimes, people will pretend to drop something when I'm walking past them, conveniently avoiding a dreaded, "hello!" Children will stare and point at me in the grocery store, as if I didn't already know that I'm the odd one out. My coworkers don't really include me in any planning or decision making, despite my years of teaching experience. It's difficult, because no matter how hard I try, I'll never be Japanese.
So, I'm learning to cope with the loneliness. I've embraced my inner-weirdo, and am finding meaningful ways to approach my feelings. Recently, I accepted that my loneliness is here to stay for now, and that it's okay to have up's and downs.
Reading this article was a good reminder that loneliness is not a rarity, carried by a select few. It's shared by nearly everyone, even those who I perceive as, "fitting-in." That truth makes me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. I'm looking forward to the next installment of Here for All of It.
Liz, if you only knew how un-weird you are.
Grief is a long and bumpy road.
And any number of folks are willing to walk alongside... silently, or gregariously chatting.
I am relatively new to loneliness having been with my husband for 40+ years. He died 2 years ago. I have always been independent so I thought being lonely would not happen to me. I was wrong.
Its been hard for me to accept. As Elizabeth writes, you think the people around you are all in the happy company of others. That is true in many instances, but not in all of them. I am learning that
you don't have to be alone to be lonely, but one of the differences being, profound grief gives
you a loneliness that only you can feel, and that can really bring you down.
"That feeling of being the only one who wasn’t connected," is so relatable. I always felt this way in school. I was the black sheep of my family, and couldn't fit in with the other boys. Their inside jokes, sports-talk and quick insults were too mysterious (and intimidating) for my developing mind. Things did become easier in college, but I still struggled to communicate. I worried too much about how I was perceived, and didn't cope with my loneliness in healthy ways.
Fast-forward to adulthood and here I am, feeling some loneliness again. I'm in the boonies of Japan, far, far away from Tokyo. And by my very existence, I'm the town weirdo.
This reality manifests in numerous ways. Sometimes, people will pretend to drop something when I'm walking past them, conveniently avoiding a dreaded, "hello!" Children will stare and point at me in the grocery store, as if I didn't already know that I'm the odd one out. My coworkers don't really include me in any planning or decision making, despite my years of teaching experience. It's difficult, because no matter how hard I try, I'll never be Japanese.
So, I'm learning to cope with the loneliness. I've embraced my inner-weirdo, and am finding meaningful ways to approach my feelings. Recently, I accepted that my loneliness is here to stay for now, and that it's okay to have up's and downs.
Reading this article was a good reminder that loneliness is not a rarity, carried by a select few. It's shared by nearly everyone, even those who I perceive as, "fitting-in." That truth makes me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing Elizabeth. I'm looking forward to the next installment of Here for All of It.
-Lorenzo