Hello fellow Buddhist practitioner. I loved Pema Chodron's shift from you to we!
In our courses and learning circles (of fellow Dharma students) several other approaches to 'difficult people' have come up. One is the practice of exchanging self and other (as described by Shantideva in The Way of the Bodhisattva. Seeing oneself from the perspective of another is most illuminating!
The one that really helped me was the following prayer:
May he/she/they have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May they be free of suffering and the causes of suffering;
May they never be apart from the sublime bliss that is freedom from suffering;
May they remain in a state of equanimity,
Free from attachment and aversion to those near and far.
One can say that prayer for anyone! Just to take one line: if they are free of the causes of suffering (delusion, self-cherishing, anger and other poisons) they would be lovely people. It also helps me see that the causes and conditions of someone being 'difficult' , which frees ME from judgement! I can even say this prayer for POTUS when I catch myself hating.
The loving-kindness practice seems so simple, and yet when we come to the difficult person, it asks something real of us — to stay present with what’s uncomfortable rather than turn away.
That shift from you to we is powerful. It softens the edges and reminds me, in my work and in life, that beneath everything we share the same longing — to be safe, to be well, to move through life with some ease.
And yes… that part of the practice is hard. But also where it feels most alive.
Hello fellow Buddhist practitioner. I loved Pema Chodron's shift from you to we!
In our courses and learning circles (of fellow Dharma students) several other approaches to 'difficult people' have come up. One is the practice of exchanging self and other (as described by Shantideva in The Way of the Bodhisattva. Seeing oneself from the perspective of another is most illuminating!
The one that really helped me was the following prayer:
May he/she/they have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May they be free of suffering and the causes of suffering;
May they never be apart from the sublime bliss that is freedom from suffering;
May they remain in a state of equanimity,
Free from attachment and aversion to those near and far.
One can say that prayer for anyone! Just to take one line: if they are free of the causes of suffering (delusion, self-cherishing, anger and other poisons) they would be lovely people. It also helps me see that the causes and conditions of someone being 'difficult' , which frees ME from judgement! I can even say this prayer for POTUS when I catch myself hating.
That's a beautiful prayer. Thank you for sharing it. I do struggle a lot with POTUS.
Elizabeth, this really resonated with me.
The loving-kindness practice seems so simple, and yet when we come to the difficult person, it asks something real of us — to stay present with what’s uncomfortable rather than turn away.
That shift from you to we is powerful. It softens the edges and reminds me, in my work and in life, that beneath everything we share the same longing — to be safe, to be well, to move through life with some ease.
And yes… that part of the practice is hard. But also where it feels most alive.
Thank you for this reflection.